Since weeks now, I have decided to change my life. I wasn’t convinced by what I have got. I won’t make a wish list for 2014, because I have already moved to the action stage.
Not my country nor my curriculum had a value-added to my existence. I lost many years in useless studies when I had to start my life away from the school seats. I had a limited vision to what is happening in the world, to have more choices. Staying where I was meant I would have to be satisfied by a very common choice, to have no value-added to people, to pretend to have nothing but none in the real life.
I played the cool guy with a lot of those who didn’t deserve anything but to be ignored. I couldn’t express my feelings when I had the time and the right person to love, and I wasted a lot because of that. I looked happy and a successful guy, but inside, I was no more than a zombie hating everything. A deep feeling of an endless loneliness lived with me, straggled me and killed me sometimes. I avoided to fall in love and to date girls just to avoid disappointments.
Always I knew what I didn’t like to do or to have, but I couldn’t know what I want. Every time I tried to find a way out for basic questions (religion, career, politics, economics, etc.), I had more questions.
For several months, and until my 25th anniversary, I looked for answers for “What I want in this life?” “What are my dreams?” “How will my children see their dad” “At the age of 40 and then of 60, will I be satisfied by what I have done?”.
Life is short, and now I am trying to change everything, to drop a lot and to restart from almost nothing. After 25 years of living, it is the time to find new people, new places, new rules, new roles, new career, new style, new air, new love… I have already started, no warranty on, to design a new existence out of the matrix.. to live somewhere I belong.